April 13, 2010

i just watched new moon. and by that i mean, i’m still watching new moon. it’s fucking terrible. i secretly love these books. i know they’re bad. but i can’t help it. they’re such melodramatic bullshit. he kissed me and i fainted? wow, truly the voice of our generation. our generation in 1792.

i’ve never been a romantic. i love my boyfriend more than anything or anyone ever. but this relationship came as a complete shock to me. we’re so totally lame around and for each other but i don’t care.

generally, though, my strongest belief in regards to relationships has been the one my mother has repeated to me my whole life:
love only lasts so long if you can’t pay the bills.
and i kind of believe it.

when my cousin went to france to study last night and immediately began complaining about how she hated it and how much she missed her boyfriend i immediately dismissed her as a fucking idiot. france had been her dream since she was really young, and it was literally the opportunity of her lifetime. she worked so hard to get there. no one has ever given that girl anything. she’s had everything thrown at her and nothing handed to her and i have more respect for her than anyone else in the world.
and i couldn’t understand…. i mean, yeah, missing your boyfriend must suck, but this was your FUCKING LIFE LONG DREAM. how could you be essentially throwing this aside for the sake of a guy? a guy you’d only been with for a year nonetheless?

but that said, i’ve never had a healthy view of relationships. honestly, until i met my boyfriend, i was having doubts that i was even capable of that type of encompassing love. with him, it was just there pretty much from the beginning. i love him a little more all the time.

not to mention sex! try being a former prostitute and not being at least slightly fucked in the head when it comes to sexuality. i worked in the sex industry for two years. that’s longer than i’ve ever been in a relationship with anyone. i was sexually confused before i even started working in the industry. basically, i’ve always been a slut, since i was very young. not every promiscuous person uses sex to make themself feel wanted but i sure do(did).

back to new moon – and oh god, seriously, what a shithouse movie – it kind of concerns me that a whole generation of girls is growing up with this idea of love as obsessive, encompassing, central to one’s being. love is amazing. being in love has changed so many fundamental parts of me. but it’s not all i am. in this movie, they only exist for each other. really, what other character traits do they even seem to portray? sullen, stubborn, morose, squinty…
okay, to be fair i think part of this is just the terrible acting the two (three) leads.

i don’t know. twilight isn’t love. it’s just obsession.

and as a sidenote, my cousin is now back from france and engaged.

i wrote this entry mostly at 430am in a fit of insomnia and i so cannot be bothered to fix it.


One Response to “”

  1. Sarah Hannah said

    agree 100%

    bella swan needs to go see a shrink and look up the words ‘co-dependancy.’

    you’re lucky you didnt see it in the theater. Taylor/jacob takes his shirt off and all the girls yelped and clapped and wooped. i wanted to shoot myself.

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